Friday, September 19, 2008
For me, this week has been one of those where you realize that things are changing and while you're proud of the accomplishments your children are making, you're sad because you know they are growing up.
Noah is completely potty trained and only wears a diaper to sleep in. This has been especially hard for me because I know that he's my last and I've really tried to hang on to the baby in him. I've taken most of his crib set out of the bed because he was using the bumper as leverage to climb out of it. Every night when I rock him before laying him down I stare at that bumper and become completely emotional. ( just typing this my eyes are watering) I don't know what to do with it. I don't want to let go. I know that a less fortunate family would appreciate the heck out of it but I don't care. It's like as long as I have that crib set, he's still a baby when in fact, he's not a baby anymore. He feeds himself...well I should type that he feeds himself, plus smears the food in his hair, up his nose and down his legs. He goes teetee and poopoo in the potty. He uses less and less baby talk everyday.
The other day I had to go to daycare and give him a nebulizer treatment. When it was over and I explained to him that I had to go back to work he got upset. He asked me why and I told him that I had to go to work to make money so we could buy toys and my almost three year old says " I don't want toys, I just want you Mommy." Yeah..that tugged at the heart strings.
Zachary is in Kindergarten and learning at an amazing pace. When we sit down at night and he tells me about the things he learned that day, it's like I'm looking at a little man. When I drop him off at school and he gets out all by himself and puts that huge backpack on his back and walks up to the front doors, I wonder where did time go? Where's the little boy who was fascinated by Barney and Elmo? I remember when he was a wee thing and his colic was so bad that I would cry along with him every night. I remember getting frustrated that he wouldn't go to sleep unless you would rock him at an insane rate every night. I also remember laying next to him in a hospital bed for a month, crying when no one was looking and praying that God would make my baby okay. HE did. Praise the LORD.
Zachary tells me he wants to be a teacher when he grows up. Considering his mild obsession with Super Heroes I was sort of shocked by his words. I tell him that a teacher is the best Super Hero of all.
Caleb who is quickly becoming my man child. He's in Sixth grade. I remember his first day of Kindergarten and how I cried my eyes out when I left him at the classroom. I sat in the car and cried because I couldn't see to drive. I remember when he was a baby and would wake up at 5am every day. He truly appreciates the dawn of a new day and is still a morning person. I do have to say, I'm sort of glad he sleeps until 8 now, I just wish his younger brothers would follow suit. I remember bringing him home from the hospital and begging him to be patient with me as I was patient with him. I was 21, almost 22 and striving to do the best I could. I remember the late night feedings and sitting with him in bed and watching the sun rise. I remember playing ball with him and watching him take his first steps. I sometimes wondered if he would ever have hair and now it's gorgeous and blond and he's got blue eyes that girls are swooning over.
The night before last he was scared that his girlfriend was going to break up with him. I could look at him and just see the anguish he had inside and would have paid anything to take it away. I remembered back to his age and what it felt like. You're young and think that no one else will ever like you or want to be with you. I wish I had a magic wand to wave so I could show him just a snapshot of what his future will hold.
My boys. Where did time go?