Being A Mom

Monday, April 21, 2008

Why doesn't anyone tell you how badly it can hurt to be a mom some days? I feel so sad for everything that is happening with Caleb. I feel like I was lied to and deceived and tricked into allowing him to stay behind with his dad in FL. I have such a bad taste in my mouth.

I feel totally helpless and alone in my journey to save Caleb from all the chaos he's trapped in. His grades are falling to D's and he's been to the Principals office for misbehaving in school. My gut tells me that things are seriously a mess with his living arrangements and I just continue to pray to GOD that he guides me and helps me to figure all of this out.

His father is blinded by his addiction and selfishness and if things continue, it will be my sons downfall. I lose sleep every night with the thought of where Caleb could be headed. The trend is not looking promising to me. There's no more church, no more step mom to help with homework and just general parenting skills that are integral to my sons development.

I see the boys at church and in our community and I see the benefit for my son. I wish he could just be a part of all the greatness here in our small town. I would love to be able to send him and Chaz off for a fun football weekend. I would love for him to be here to take trips with us to Franklin and Raleigh.

I would give anything to have my family whole again. I pray every night and I am trusting that everything that's happening is part of HIS plan and I just have to trust. I pray every night that however things should be, things are in the best interest for Caleb. I just want him to shine. I want the world to know the magic that lies behind his beautiful blue eyes. I want his little brothers to see the big brother that encourages them to respect others, speak politely and have a positive outlook. I just want things to be right.

Tonight I realize that I have to let go. I can't force it to happen and my faith is going to have to get me through this. It does give me peace and helps me to relax some. I pray that God helps and puts Caleb back on track. Please God.

Roll Tide

Saturday, April 19, 2008

I have evolved and entered the world of bloggers. I will spend countless hours editing my layout, changing colors and fonts, adding cool and trendy extras and then changing everything because none of it seems perfect enough. Woohoo.

The color for my page is the closest I could find to Crimson. Crimson is the single most important color to my family as we are huge (border line obsessed) ALABAMA fans. I guess I can tell you how it all started.

My husband and I met 8 years ago while living in Florida. Chaz had spent much of his tween-teen life in NE Alabama and is and always has been a Bama fan. As any person who has ever spent time in the state of Alabama can tell you, if you live in AL you are either a Bama fan or an Auburn fan. It's something you are born with.

My husband would share stories with me about UA. I swear I would and still do get goosebumps hearing stories of Bear Bryant, 12 National Championships, The Million Dollar Band..I could go on and on. In 2004 we evacuated during one of the hurricanes to Hoover, AL. I got to go to the campus and see the school first hand and experience the Bear Bryant Museum and I was hooked. I was addicted and didn't want to cheer for any other team. The Pride and Tradition of Alabama leaped into my heart and will stay there forever.

We moved to Alabama in 2006 and were so excited to be closer to the school and to have the ability to go to home games. Well, 2006 wasn't a great season for Bama and it sucked to have to sit there and watch them lose..and they didn't lose pretty...it was ugly. It stings worse because every team wants to beat Alabama, it doesn't matter what year it is or where the games at, we are the team you want to beat. Funny thing happened in Jan of 2007 and Alabama hired a new coach by the name of Nick Saban. If you don't know who Nick Saban is you either never watch ESPN, know nothing about college football or have been living under a rock for the last decade. We have now become the most hated football team with the most hated football coach. Why are we hated? Because we have a winning tradition and we now have a winning coach. No other team can say they have 12 National Championships and it's unlikely that any team will ever be able to make that statement. The Bama Nation has been passed on from generation to generation and our fans, while crazy at times, always demand we rise to the top again. We belong there. We are the University of Alabama!

I love Bama football so much that for my wedding anniversary, I encouraged my husband to buy us tickets for the Georgia game. With Nick Saban at Alabama ticket prices soared and every game had sold out. We paid $300 for tickets and my husband drove over 4 hours to pick them up. By the way, he bought them from the guy who owns the recording studio who did the soundtrack for Forrest Gump and recorded artists like Hank Williams, Skynard, etc.. Too Cool!

Well we lost the game in overtime. I almost lost my voice screaming for the team to win and my heart broke when I couldn't sing Rammer Jammer at the end. We recovered and spent the rest of the season cheering and screaming for our team and ending with at least a winning season.

I look forward to this season. I look forward to teaching my boys more about Alabama. I get a tickle out of the fact that they dispise the color orange. They won't eat an orange life saver, won't color with an orange crayon and will call Home Depot "the Auburn store". LOL. You may think this is crazy. You don't understand the in state rivalry here. Google it sometime and you will be amazed. It's second to religion in the state of AL and I am proud to be a part of it.

So my first post is about my love for Alabama, all steming from the color choice on my blog template. I told you I was obsessed. My children and husband are just as bad and think, this whole state is full of people just like me with the same passion. I guess it helps you to picture the energy of 92,000 people singing Sweet Home Alabama on a hot Saturday afternoon in Tuscaloosa, AL.

In the future I hope to blog more about my family. There's my husband Chaz and our three sons. Caleb is 11, Zachary is 4 1/2 and Noah is 2 1/2. Our life is crazy and chaotic and we wouldn't change it for the world. Soon enough it will be calm and boring, LOL.

Roll Tide Roll.